Leilani Doktor
8:30 English
A Correlation or Infatuation
Your confidence is something to be admired
And no one doubts your physicality.
If t'were a man better, I'd most certain be inspired.
If only the world shadowed your perfect civility.
I have never been known to have low standards.
To others I can't disguise your insufficiency.
But my infatuation, twisted as a 1000 lanyards.
You've traveled the path to my heart with efficiency.
I've caught you stealing glances, signs of adoration?
I'm guilty; subtle looks-hints a complex feeling.
Do these scarce moments show a correlation?
Our upholding layers of insecurity peeling.
I've fallen hard and throwing my sense out the door.
Now I'm hoping you catch me before I hit the floor.
The Analyzation of A Correlation or Infatuation
The idea of my sonnet was love, and how in love you can't be logical you just have to follow your heart. I think that my sonnet is telling the story of a person who is arguing about all the insecurities in love. Even in all the obstacles such as other peoples opinions and her own inability to fall into love, she discovers that she just has to jump into the unknown and hope it all turns out ok.
In the first stanza the sonnet begins with praises of the person, because a person always wants to point out what they like in the other person. I started with what I noticed first in the person, his air and confidence. Then moved on to of course the obvious physical aspects of the guy, and in the last two lines I expressed how in a total package I admired him and wish that other people could be the same.
Then the sonnet flows into how even though she thinks so highly of this person others do not see why she is so deeply in love. Even through these taunts she comes out with how she can't help her feeling towards this guy. In the last stanza the poet expresses her insecurities in how the other person feels, and asks if they feel the same. These are feelings that happen in every love, and it is well know that there is going to be doubt in any relationship. This allows the sonnet to come the final conclusion that you cannot be sure if your love is reciprocated.
The last two lines of the sonnet are what really show the vulnerability and willingness of the poet. In flatly stating, "I've fallen hard" she is saying in the most open way that she really loves this person. Also the metaphor of throwing her sense out the door allows the reader to see that she is abandoning all her thought and any inhibitions, which is perfect for these emotions. But after allowing herself to be out there and so vulnerable just like any person in love the poet is hoping that her love will be reciprocated. I used the idea of falling in love from before to be reverberated in the last line by referring to being caught before I hit the floor, also allowing a little romantic flare of having the one you love catch you and be your support.
I tried to write this poem to echo what any person would feel in the beginning of a relationship, a certain amount of insecurity and some pure infatuation. This awe of a person is usually seen as puppy love or being blinded by love, but in some ways this innocent love is the lightest and most enjoyable to write about. Reading through the sonnet you can see and feel the certain emotion or idea running through each stanza. The lines go back and forth between this poet's love and her uncertainty. I tried to capture this but had a difficult time with the ten syllables, after many revisions I was able to cut down the poem to its bare bones, which I think helps bring out the emotions in each line and allows only the purest ideas to shine through. In the last two lines you can see the realization that the poet has, she realizes she can't be logical in love but just fall in love because love is something you need to take chances in and its well worth the risk.
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2 comments:
I remember reading your sonnet in the very beginning, and it being very long with not that much rhythm. But now, it sounds so much better and i like it a lot more! Good job with that.
I liked how you analyzed your paper, however you might want to describe some lines in more depth, like the last two lines of the third stanza.
Leilani Doktor
8:30 English
A Correlation or Infatuation
Your confidence is something to be admired
And no one doubts your physicality.
If t'were a man better, I'd most certain be inspired.
If only the world shadowed your perfect civility.
I have never been known to have low standards.
To others I can't disguise your insufficiency.
But my infatuation, twisted as a 1000 lanyards.
You've traveled the path to my heart with efficiency.
I've caught you stealing glances, signs of adoration?
I'm guilty; subtle looks-hints a complex feeling.
Do these scarce moments show a correlation?
Our upholding layers of insecurity peeling.
I've fallen hard and throwing my sense out the door.
Now I'm hoping you catch me before I hit the floor.
[GREAT SONNET, NO CORRECTIONS NEEDED
YOUR LAST TWO LINES ARE MY FAVORITE ]
The Analyzation of A Correlation or Infatuation
The idea of my sonnet was love, and how [WHEN] in love you can't be logical you just have to follow your heart. [DON’T WRITE “I THINK” BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR SONNET AND YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT FOR SURE]I think that my sonnet is telling the story of a person who is arguing about all the insecurities [ABOUT INSTEAD OF IN] in love. Even in all the obstacles such as other peoples[‘] opinions and her own inability[IES] to fall into love, she discovers that she just has to jump into the unknown and hope it all turns out ok.
[GREAT INTRODUCTION. IT’S VERY GOOD AND A NICE WAY TO PUT YOUR SONNET INTO PERSPECTIVE. IT HAS OTHERS WANTING TO READ MORE AND REALLY HELD MY ATTENTION]
In the first stanza the sonnet begins with praises of the person, because a person always wants to point out what they like in the other person. I started with what I noticed first in the person, his air and confidence. Then moved on to of course the obvious physical aspects of the guy, and in the last two lines I expressed how in a total package I admired him and wish that other people could [SEE HIM THE SAME WAY? IS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT BY “BE THE SAME”] be the same.
Then the sonnet flows into how even though she thinks so highly of this person others do not see why she is so deeply in love. Even through these taunts [I DON’T KNOW IF TAUNTS IS THE BEST WORD TO USE] she comes out with how she can't help her feeling towards this guy. In the last stanza [YOU SHOULD SAY “I” RATHER THAN “THE POET” BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR SONNET AND YOU SHOULD TAKE THE CREDIT FOR IT] the poet expresses her insecurities in how the other person feels, and asks if they feel the same. These are feelings that happen in every love, and it is well know that there is going to be doubt in any relationship. This allows the sonnet to come the final conclusion that you cannot be sure if your love is reciprocated. [BIG WODS, I LIKE IT. ADDS DETAIL.]
The last two lines of the sonnet are what really show the vulnerability and willingness of the poet. In flatly stating, "I've fallen hard" she is saying in the most open way that she really loves this person. Also the metaphor of throwing her sense out the door allows the reader to see that she is abandoning all her thought and any inhibitions, which is perfect for these emotions. But after allowing herself to be out there and so vulnerable just like any person in love the poet is hoping that her love will be reciprocated. I used the idea of falling in love from before to be reverberated in the last line by referring to being caught before I hit the floor, also allowing a little romantic flare of having the one you love catch you and be your support.
I tried to write this poem to echo what any person would feel in the beginning of a relationship, a certain amount of insecurity and some pure infatuation. This awe of a person is usually seen as puppy love or being blinded by love, but in some ways this innocent love is the lightest and most enjoyable to write about. Reading through the sonnet you can see and feel the certain emotion or idea running through each stanza. The lines go back and forth between this poet's love and her uncertainty. I tried to capture this but had a difficult time with the ten syllables, after many revisions I was able to cut down the poem to its bare bones, which I think helps bring out the emotions in each line and allows only the purest ideas to shine through. In the last two lines you can see the realization that the poet has, she realizes she can't be logical in love but just fall in love because love is something you need to take chances in and its well worth the risk.
[GREAT JOB LEI. I WISH YOU WEREN’T SUCH A GOOD WRITER! THAN I’D HAVE MORE TO SAY AND PROBABLY DO BETTER ON THIS. BUT THIS IS REALLY GOOD. I THINK THAT THE CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE ARE ONLY MINOR. BUT OVERALL IT’S REALLY GOOD. YOUR WORD CHOICE IS GOOD, AND IT REALLY HAS A LOT OF VOICE. YOU’RE A GREAT WRITER.THE ONLY THING IS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T SAY ‘THE POET’ BECAUSE IT GIVES THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU DIDN’T WRITE IT. TAKE CREDIT, IT WAS GREAT!]
MY WRITING IS CAPITAL AND IN BRACKETS
GREAT JOB!
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